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Smallville: Season 9 Episode 6: Crossfire

SMALLVILLEThis week, Kandorian hijinx take a backseat to Lois and Clark aspiring to become the new Regis and Kelly.  Desperate to get her mug on television and broaden her scope, Lois dubs print journalism a dying breed. And because Lois has so much journalistic integrity, she opts the career path of a fluffy, coffee-talk sort of morning show instead of a hard news show like 60 Minutes.  Even better, she recruits Clark to submit an audition tape along with her for a new show.  With their sparkling chemistry evident on film, the producers only agree to take Clark and Lois as a package deal.  Their first assignment: Each of them has to go on a blind date on camera. Clueless Clark’s televised blind date is up first with a gorgeous blonde named Catherine. He’s adorably clumsy yet still manages to make Lois seethe with jealousy with Cat on their café date. 

Across town, Oliver’s got a new plaything named Mia.  Mia is a prostitute by night and a one bad mutha in an underground fighting ring during the other part of the night.  In spite of the fact that Mia can clean the clocks of five guys twice her size in hand-to-hand combat, she still can’t escape her pimp/promoter.  Enter Oliver Queen who attempts to save Mia and enlist her in the League. It’s all very Pretty Woman meets UFC with Ollie stepping into the role of Richard Gere to Mia’s Julia Roberts – right down to buying her new clothes and setting her up with someplace to stay.  He cites this good deed on the fact that his own friends helped him to find a way out of his problems. 

Lois, on the other hand, complicates matters by showing up at Oliver’s bachelor pad, looking to her ex to help her brainstorm on how her dating segment can make an impact – and out-do Clark and Catherine.  The former couple’s uncomfortable walk down memory lane is made all the more uncomfortable when Lois spots Mia getting out of the shower.  Although Oliver’s relationship with Mia is purely platonic, Lois interprets it as otherwise and turns several shades of jealous n’ judgmental.  Although she has strong feelings for Clark, she throws Ollie some mixed signals with the jealousy.

Figuring what better way to win back Lois than to help her win the job, Oliver picks up on these signals and pays off Lois’s on-camera date to step in himself.  Metropolis’ most eligible bachelor bares his heart and soul to Lois, going from Richard Gere in Pretty Woman to Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire.  In not so many words, Ollie tells Lois that she completes him.  In turn, Lois takes a page out of the Clark n’ Chloe Handbook and banishes Ollie to the Friends Zone.  Twisting the knife just a little bit more, she tells him she loves Clark. 

After both Clark and Lois lose the morning show hosting gig to none other than Clark’s blind date, Cat Grant, Clark goes for broke and kisses Lois, returning her feelings. 

In the non-soap opera capacity on Smallville, Chloe is off tracking Kandorians and needs to crack Tess Mercer’s nearly impenetrable firewalls.  Discovering that the whiz behind the one aspect of Luthor security that actually works is a young, cute computer whiz named Stuart, Chloe enlists him to Team Good Guy pulling him from Tess’s clutches.  Here’s hoping this potential Season 9 romance for Chloe doesn’t turn out like the others. 

Meanwhile, at stately Luthor Manor, Tess is building her own area 51.  A drop-in visit from the Smallville Continuity Fairy offers a reminder that she probably inherited Lex’s collection of Kryptonian memorabilia.  Tess is also putting in yet another appearance at a black tie business affair, outlining developments that Luthor Corp. is assisting AAO in building an impressive solar tower that will harness enough power to run Metropolis.  The real kick in the pants here is that a Mr. Zod (as in “Kneel before”) is the Chairman and CEO of AAO. 

Well aware that Mr. Zod is a Kandorian, Tess demands that he respect her authoritah.  Zod pish-toshes Tess and informs her that he is a man and a Kandorian and will not stand on equal footing with Tess, a mere human and a woman.  (Zod, in addition to being an intergalactic douche, is also sexist and specieist, too.)  Having pre-installed one of his bald, hulking Kandorian minions as head of security at stately Luthor Manor (which explains why it’s easier to get into the House that Lionel Built than a Chinese restaurant at Christmas), he orders his minion to take out Tess. 

Trumping Zod himself, Tess has one of her own minions gift Zod with his fallen Kandorian minion’s bloodied dog tag.  As Zod puts down his espresso in disbelief, Tess stands across the street hoisting her cup o’ java in victory before disappearing.  Sip on that, Zod!

One Response to “Smallville: Season 9 Episode 6: Crossfire”
Billy - November 5th, 2009 at 1:02 pm

It’s about time Louis & Clark showed some togetherness. I hope they can expand on it. It would also be nice if Clark became Superman with all that goes with being him! Then this is only the 9th season 🙁 Where does the time go when you are having fun. Only sad note. Bring Jimmy Olsen back and please find Perry White!

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