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Smallville Season 9 Episode 5: Roulette

SMALLVILLEEmo now comes in blonde with Oliver Queen gambling away his fortune at a Metropolis casino.  Still distraught over having disposed of Lex Luthor, he encounters a smokin’ hot Asian chick wearing a cheongsam dress that barely covers an elaborate dragon tattoo stretching from her back down her thigh.  Known as “Roulette,” she offers him a choice of what’s beneath three metal decanters.  He chooses the one that houses a red pill and decides to indulge. 

Next thing you know, Oliver finds himself – and his snazzy white suit – trapped in a coffin with a flashlight.  Wow.  How Kill Bill Vol. 2 is this scenario?!  Ollie sees another coffin emblazoned with the name “Alexander Luthor” and busts it open, seeing a pair of speakers.  The voice emanating from the speakers must be reading from the Saw handbook, indulging in a very Jigsaw-esque dialogue with Ollie about the lives he’s destroyed.  The voice asks him if he’s had his rabies shot and things go from Saw  to Cujo in a matter of seconds as Ollie hides in a car from the dog, and the doors lock themselves.  Cue the possessed tractor trailer from Maximum Overdrive which plows into Oliver’s Cujo mobile.

Back at the Kent farm, it’s movie night with Clark and Lois.  Lois flirts with Clark over laundry before popping in one of her favorite movies with a shark.  Clark’s hypersensitive hearing hears a waitress in distress and kicks into Blur mode.  He saves the waitress from the attacker and manages to come back in record time with popcorn with extra butter.  Midway through the film, Lois switches gears and complains to Clark how today was Oliver’s birthday and they always go play beer pong together on their birthdays. She’s upset because she hasn’t heard from him all day. This strikes her funny because most people always want to hang out with their ex and slice open old wounds on their birthday.  Then again, Lois is in her own sort of happy dream world because she thinks it’s a great idea to get teary-eyed about your ex to the dude you’re currently crushing on.  Really.

As Oliver manages to emerge from the wreckage of the car relatively unscathed, he stumbles back into the club and sees Roulette.  She tells him, in a very Bond-girl sort of way, that someone is after him before fending off some attackers with madd martial arts skillz together. 

After fleeing the casino, she tells him her name is Victoria and that she’s hired by some high-rollers who often seek revenge.  She asks him what was it that he did to someone that they want to see him dead?  Seconds later, Victoria gets shot in the stomach.  As Oliver’s luck would have it, the 5-0 pulls up and shoots him with a tazer after seeing him crouched over Victoria’s dead body. 

While Ollie finds himself with some serious explaining to do, Clark and a concerned Lois search for Oliver, checking everywhere, including his jet.  (How often do you hear that?) Lois goes snooping and comes up with footage from last week’s episode where Oliver almost stepped off the platform to off himself during the Toyman gala incident.  Visibly upset upon learning Ollie’s on the Kevorkian Fast Track, Lois is angry at Clark for not telling her that her ex wants to off himself, insisting he lied to her. Suddenly, it’s as if Lois morphed into Clark’s beloved Lana Lang with shades of her infamous “Secrets and lies!!” schpiel… And Clark swoons even more over Lois.

Meanwhile, Oliver is taken into custody and released.  Well, not really “released,” just given the illusion that he’s been released before gas fills the room before a computer screen pops up so Ollie can watch his bank account get drained in seconds.  Clark finds him with his super-awesome hearing yet again and carts him back to Watchtower headquarters.

Following his tiff with Lois, Clark and Oliver make their way back to Chloe in the Watchtower.  Oliver explains the details of what happened and Watchtower Chloe cues up information on Victoria/Roulette.  Apparently, she’s a hired gun who takes out enemies of high rollers.  As Oliver makes with the emo and icily glares at Chloe (because he’s still sooooo mad at her!), Chloe secretly shows Clark that she’s been keeping tabs on his computer and what he’s been watching.  I wonder if she’s installed a camera in his shower, too?  Although tracking down Oliver is a priority, Chloe cues up some video footage of last week’s Luthor Corp. gala.  Turns out, Toyman wasn’t the only baddie in attendance as Chloe points out a Kryptonian  assassin with a Candorian family crest tattoo on her shoulder in the crowd that Clark had buried before.  Apparently, she’s back like Jordan.

Speaking of resurrections, Victoria is still alive… and she’s got Oliver’s car.  Lois, still on a mission to track down her ex, spots Victoria and grills her about where she got the car and claims it was a “gift” and for Lois to back off.  That’s the wrong thing to say to Ms. Lane who engages Victoria in some serious fisticuffs.  Victoria ends up, well… victorious.  Oliver is lured back to Club Roulette and sees a figure in a familiar looking red dress seated at the bar with her back to him.  Armed with his info about Victoria, Ollie’s packin’ heat and aims the gun at the back of the red dress.  Getting a little gun shy, he puts the pistol down, not wanting to “kill” again. This turns out to be a good thing because it turns out that it’s a bound and gagged Lois wearing the dress, having been taken hostage by Victoria/Roulette.  Well DUH!! I could have told you that!  The red cheongsam dress wasn’t backless and you couldn’t see a giant, honking tattoo on her back (and the fact that this is Smallville) was a dead giveaway.

After a struggle and knocking Lois unconscious, Victoria gets away and intends on setting the place on fire. The only problem is, she ends up trapping herself after a part of the ceiling traps her in a flaming room.  She calls for help and Oliver attempts to rescue her by trying to pry part of the ceiling off of her.  But wait, she’s not trapped. And the gas jets for the “flames” go out, too. It was just a carefully orchestrated scheme for her to point out that Oliver still has a hero within him that needs to come out.  She tells him that her continual line of Saw-like questioning “Who did you destroy” was the answer.  And that answer was a mirror.

As it turns out, the rest of the Justice League (minus Clueless Clark who has no idea this was a big ol’ clinic on how superheroes stage an intervention) and Chloe-as-Watchtower were behind it the whole time.  Victoria/Roulette wasn’t just a hired gun, but rather, their hired gun to help snap Ollie out of his funk.  Chloe tells Oliver she had never meant for Lois to get involved, she just happened to stumble upon the plot.  And just to ensure Oliver didn’t end up getting Super Punk’d, she loaded his gun with blanks so that he wouldn’t accidentally cap Lois or anyone else. 

With Oliver having realized just how wonderful life is, the only thing left for him to do is work damage control with Lois.  Rather than divulge all of the details of the Justice League’s intervention, he makes up a story that Victoria is a psycho ex who turned into a bunny boiler and he was sorry she got caught up in the middle.  Lois confesses her still-lingering feelings for Oliver in her thinly-veiled “I’m going to kick your ass if you try to kill yourself again” Lois way.

Meanwhile, Chloe’s all happy now that Ollie’s back (and that he’s talking with Lois, which frees up Clark).  In a very Batman-esque overhead shot of Metropolis, Ollie is in full Green Arrow regalia standing on a large gargoyle on top of a building.  The Green Arrow and Clark (in his curiously Columbine Blur gear) share a superhero bonding moment and the credits roll.

While it was a necessary – albeit too neat – one-hour resolution to snapping Oliver out of his suicidal doldrums, this episode is indicative of the plodding, semi-directionless pace Smallville is taking this season.  There has been no major story arc yet, particularly since Oliver has now been pulled back from the brink.  Furthermore, they seem to have lost all sense of continuity.  In the span of a single episode, Lois has gone from the full-on “I *heart* Clark mode” that she was in last week, to dredging up teary-eyed feelings for her ex-Oliver.  Not that I could blame her, considering that Clark has exhibited Super Douche tendencies towards Lois, bailing on their “like a date”s at random.  Again, Chloe has been relegated to martyr status and seems to be quite comfy within that assigned role.  Not only is she the loyal friend to Clark, she’s in Ollie’s loyal friend zone, too.  Oh, and the Kryptonian hijinx just keep a-comin’ with even more subdivisions to the Kryptonian caste system alluded to.  I’m not sure how this is going to figure in what with the cameo appearances of Zod’s colony on Earth, but it seems rather contrived.

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